What a Heart! Can't help being discouraged...

So my second son Nathan is very energetic and is the life of the party. He can make me smile even when it is him that is making me mad.

When Nathan was born he was born with a Heart condition, that was detected before we even left the hospital, called VSD. A ventricular septal defect (VSD) is a defect (a hole) in the ventricular septum, the wall dividing the left and right ventricles of the heart.

As we followed Nathan's condition with the cardiologist, by the third visit, it was determined that this was a small hole and no invasive surgery would be need and that Nathan would live a normal life, other then having to have antibiotics prior to any dental work. Then came the next visit.

At our fourth visit we were told that Nathan had developed a second heart condition SubAortic Membrane growth. Subaortic membrane is a fibrous membrane below the aortic valve that may involve the ventricular septum, the anterior leaflet of the mitral valve, and the aortic valve itself. This can cause the the aortic valve to weekend and start leaking and can completely block flow altogether. At this visit the membrane growth was not enough to cause any damage. The cardiologist of course wanted to follow Nathan more frequently and that our percentage of having surgery had increased but at the time of the appointment was not necessary and didn't look like it would be.

THEN, our next visit, you guessed it, and third heart condition. My heart sank when the doctor came in and told me there was another. Nathan's third heart condition diagnosis was aortic valve prolapse disease. This was cause by the original diagnosis of VSD. The blood flow through the hole is causing the aortic valve to be suck down into the ventricular septum (into the hole). This again can cause problems with the structure of the valve. He then proceeded to tell me that surgery is closer then ever and also tells me that with VSD there is a possibility of a total of four heart conditions.

So here I am with my son who has three heart conditions, along with some other medical issues, and am starting to FREAK out. Why, you might ask? Well his next appointment is Nov 25th and all I can think is ok there are to possibilities here, 1. the cardiologist is going to tell me that Nathan has developed the fourth heart condition and we need to do surgery, or 2. he will tell us that because the the tree heart conditions the aortic valve has weekend and we need to do surgery.

My son, 2 1/2years old, who is scared of ants, may possibly need to have open heart surgery. Actually from what I understand it is not if he needs it, it is when he will need it. So yes I am freaking out.

Anxiety, worry, fear, all the things that do not come from my Lord are starting to take over my mind. I try to continue to hold onto what i know, that my God can do all things! I need to just keep holding on, cause no matter what happens, I STILL BELIEVE. But what if God chooses not to heal Nathan? What if he does end up having open heart surgery? I know that I can not fully comprehend that BIG picture but couldn't I just get a glimpse? If God doesn't heal him that He has another plan and I just have to trust Him. It is so much easier to say then to do!

I guess my fear is the fear of the unknown. That is my biggest fear, the fear of the unknown. How do you get over that fear? How do you surrender that to God?

2 Timothy 1:7 (King James Version)

7For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Lord Please help me to give over control of my fear and to accept your gift of power, love and a sound mind!