Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Hate Driving!

So yesterday I was driving to the poconos. Yes I know that is crazy right, well Kali and I had some work to do up there with her dad so we got up early and headed out the door by 6:45am. It was a two hour drive to only find out we really didn't have to be there for the appt only her dad did. So ok we make the best of it since we did drive all that way, we visited her dad and his wife, and they took us out to lunch. We left right after lunch since we had such a long drive and I had someone caring for my children. So off we go driving.

So at this point it is 1:30pm and I had been driving all morning except for when we were sitting showing pictures and sitting eating lunch. It was cold and rainy, oh and snowing with a mix of hail. That's the poconos for you. So I am tired and the weather is horrible and I pass the EXIT! I didn't realized I passed my exit for about a half hour. So I turn around and travel a half hour back to my exit. Now my two hour drive has turned to three hours on top of my morning drive.

"Why are you telling us all this?" you might ask. Ok well when I figured out that I passed my exit and I was already a half hour passed I called Jeremy and Todd called me and we tried to work out getting home from where I was instead of turning around. There didn't seem to be anyway that wouldn't be longer. While I was trying to figure out my next move without turning around I go so frustrated I just wante to curse. (gasp) I know you weren't expecting that! Well I didn't curse but I have this habit of instead of cursing (which I used to do often, before getting serious about Christ) I make the statement, "I feel like cursing!" Well with this said of course my mind automatically pops those words in my brain, which I refrain from saying, however I have already said the words just not out loud. Then I remembered what the bible says:

Matthew 5:27-30 (New International Version)

27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'[a] 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Yes this talks about adultery but what I read here is that our sin starts in our minds, ANY sin! Once I declaredthe statement, "I feel like cursing" it was already in my heart. God knows your heart make sure it is right with God!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Chilly Chilton's Blog on Halloween

I read this on Chilly's blog and thought I would share it. If you want to check out his blog just click on the title or click on the link to his page on the right side of my blog.


HALLOWEEN… is it as evil as “they” say it is?? or are Christians playing defense and missing the whole point… again?!! what IF this is a chance for us to PUNK the devil and have fun laughing at death?! Read on…

Since the eigth century Christians have celebrated All Saints’ Day on November 1 to celebrate the known and unknown Christian Saints. Saints are not just those whom the catholic church has canonized, but ALL members of the “cloud of witnesses” (Hebrews 12:1) who proclaim Jesus as Lord - including you and me!

Almost as old as the celebration of All Saints’ Day is the tradition associated with All Hallow’s Eve. (”Hallows” mean “saints,” both mean “holy ones.” As in “Hallowed be thy name.”) So, Halloween means “the evening before All Holy Ones’ Day.” Today we call that festival Halloween and we have many secular ways of recognizing it. However, it’s important to remember that its celebration has a long, positive history in the Church.

“Are you crazy, Chilly?! This day is evil & satanic!”

Hold on, before hauling me out into the town square and burning me at the stake, let me explain… You see, our history is clear, and we know that many of our liturgical (Christian/church) festivals including Christmas and Easter, have some connection to pagan festivals. Obviously, this is true of All Saints’ Day and All Hallow’s Eve as well. Is it any surprise that the enemy invents sinful events to compete with holy days - the devil’s never been original at anything (except SIN). People of many races and cultures have remembered their dead and have had superstitions about death itself. History shows that Christians remembered death itself on All Hallow’s Eve and celebrated Christ’s victory over death. During the Middle Ages, Christians would gather in Churches for worship and they would remember the saints’ victories over evil. Likewise they would put on little displays showing Jesus’ victory of Satan, often using unusual masks and costumes to act out the story. They would laugh, rejoice and boast about their victory over death! It was FUN!!

Thus, the festivities on All Hallow’s Eve was the Christian’s way of laughing at death and evil, something we can do in certain hope of Christ’s victory over the powers of darkness. The Church for centuries, however, has seen All Hallow’s Eve not as a glorification of evil, but as a chance to affirm eternal life in the face of the death of our mortal bodies.

I LOVE THIS! Let’s quit being so uptight and legalistic and embrace our VICTORY over death… laugh, smile ( and yeah, eat some candy)!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Where is Malldo?

Ok so most of you have heard of "Where is Waldo?" For those of you who haven't or just need a refresher I included a picture of him. He has books where each page he is in a different part of the world and you would have to find him as he is disguised among a sea of people that look very similar to him.

Well our youth team decided to join two other churches in creating "Where is Waldo?" on the human scale at the mall, hence, Where is Malldo? So a couple leaders from each church dressed in disguise and went to the mall to be hunted by the youth groups! What a fun time. The point was that they might have been standing right next to one of us that was disguised and not even know it. In the same way God is right there, right in front of you, Are you missing Him?

Ok so you want to know what I dressed as, check out the pictures:
1st Pic: pre-mall, Didn't like the glasses; 2nd Pic: Post-mall, glasses much better!; 3rd Pic: Me and my WHITE boy!

Ok so when I looked at myself it looked so fake because of course I could tell it was me but this picture these pictures is what made it very convincing for me!

Aaron and Me!

We had a great time and no one at the mall even gave me a second look! Crazy! I was found by only 2 teams out of 6. Of course it was by my on kids and they second guessed if it was me! I passed each team several times and the 2 teams only found me right at the end! I almost made it! Here are my girls, Tessha and Rachel, who swear they knew I was going to dress as a black person.

On a totally different subject the Phillies are rockin' in the world series! Check out my Phillies Phans and my Eagles Phan!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

One less Child

So Jeremy Jr. went with Grammy to NH to visit Gramma and Grandpa Schoenrock last Sunday. I am somewhat jealous that I didn't get to go. Not because Jeremy was going on a plane and I was going to miss something (yes he has been on a plane before but this would be the 1st time he would be really excited and remember it), but because I couldn't go to visit. The good thing is that Gramma and Grandpa are coming for Aaron's dedication so I will get to see them (not quit the same though cause going there would be like a mini-vacation). They will get to see Nathan and Aaron too!

So Jeremy as been gone for almost and week and yes I miss him but not as much as everyone made me think I was going to. It has been a nice break actually! Especailly since this week I have not been feeling well. I do miss his morning snuggles, as Nathan is not much of a cuddler! I am sure when he gets back I will realized that I missed him more then I feel like I do now. But for now I am enjoying the break.

On a side note, how about them Phillies! Go Phillies!!!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Can't Sleep

So what do you do when you can't sleep. Lately I have been sitting in front of the TV starring aimlessly at the screen trying to focus on the show that I am pretending to watch. I have been on autopilot. Why, I don't know. I think about why and I tell myself that I can contribute the way I feel with a couple of things, I recently had my third child, had to make the decision to not have anymore, and everyone wanted to tell me their opinion that I NEEDED to not have anymore cause three is enough. Not considering what I felt. Some liked to remind me , not very nicely, of how little money I had and that it would be stupid to have another child, however my children have yet to want for anything. Yeah we don't have the fancy cars, we may at times not have cable, and may not have all the fancy stuff, or go out often but we have everything we need. It was a very hard choice, but really, medically probably the right one. I just felt like it was never REALLY MY choice, it was the doctors strong suggestion and my friends and my family who contributed to my choice. Then of course my dad dies shortly after. Well what do you do with that. I don't even know how to feel. I just go about my daily business and try to forget. But I don't want to forget, but how do I move on.

Ok so then my mind just starts running when I turn off the TV that I was just gazing at. And when my mind starts wondering I feel like I am going crazy. So how do you deal with these feelings. Yes I have anxiety and at times find myself wondering if I am depressed (in my case if I am wondering if I am depressed, then I probably am). So then as a Christian, a person that has a personal relationship with God, I should be able to just give God my problems, give him control. Easy to say!!! BUT I have a slight problem with control. So then what, go to the doctor, get medication. Thoughts like that just seem to confirm, or make it seem as though I am admitting that I am crazy. Not to say that if I get medication it seems as if I am not relying on my God!

So I can't sleep and now I am rainting on this blog. Sorry, I guess I will try to sleep now. Goodnight!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Out of the Darkness, and Into the Light!

I haven't posted recently so I figured I would post an old story for those who may have never read it.

This was Posted on Thu, Dec. 27, 2007 in the Philadelphia Inquirer!


Survivor's life: Courage, caring
A quarter-century ago, a little girl suffered a savage attack.

By Lou Rabito

Inquirer Staff Writer
The knife tore through Christina Greenday's abdomen with such force that the blade pierced her back. Her father, Stephen Greenday, was on a rampage - stabbing to death Christina's mother, attacking Christina and then hiding his little girl under her bedcovers.

Eight days after her third birthday, two days after Christmas 1982, Christina was left to die.

Acts of love and desperation saved her. Donna Stumm, her aunt, urged police to knock down the door to Greenday's apartment after the officers heard only silence there, persuading them that her niece was in the apartment and would have responded to Stumm's voice if she were all right.

Robert Smythe, then a sergeant and now the police chief in Darby Borough, found Christina and rushed her to a hospital in a police car instead of waiting for an ambulance. He was not sure she would survive if there were any further delay.

She got another break: Somehow, the knife had missed all her major organs.

"What the doctors actually told my aunt and uncle, I guess after the initial surgery when I was rushed in . . . was that it was as if somebody had stuck their hand in my stomach and moved all my vital organs out of the way, because there's no reason why none of my organs should have been touched," Christina says.

Today is the 25th anniversary of the stabbing, and in that quarter-century, Christina has lived a stable, normal life. She is 28 and married, and she and Jeremy Schoenrock have two young boys and live in Clifton Heights. She is a stay-at-home mother who also is the nanny for another child, and she volunteers as youth leader at her church. She has a J-shaped scar on her stomach, a small scar on her back, nerve damage that numbs and weakens her left leg, and, remarkably, no emotional wounds.

She talks matter-of-factly about what she calls the "situation" that night in 1982. That's because she has no recollection of the incident.

Stephen Greenday pleaded guilty to charges of third-degree murder and criminal attempt to murder, and was sentenced to 7 1/2 to 20 years in prison. His motive has remained a mystery, although his relationship with Christina's mother, Deborah Flail, was turbulent and both were drug users. He was released in June 1990, and outside of about 15 unanswered letters that he sent his daughter while in prison, there was no contact between them. Records show that he died seven years ago in Philadelphia at age 60.

The policeman, Smythe, and her aunt, Stumm, have remained part of Schoenrock's life. Smythe has kept tabs on her through Stumm and her husband, talking to them about once a year. Four years ago, Schoenrock gave him an award at her church's Honor Our Heroes day.

Donna and Matt Stumm became Schoenrock's legal guardians and raised her along with their three children.

"Christina really is a gift from God," Donna Stumm says. "I tease my other kids, 'I had you. I had to have you. I chose to have her.' "

Schoenrock refers to the Stumms as Mom and Dad. They're the only parents she remembers.

Donna Stumm considers Schoenrock her daughter and her best friend.

Deborah Flail and Stephen Greenday had an on-and-off relationship marked by drug use and fighting, Stumm said. Stumm described her sister as a heroin addict from age 16 to when she became pregnant. Greenday also used drugs, she said. Flail and Greenday lived together at Sixth and Walnut Streets in Darby Borough, and police were called there because of domestic disputes.

On Dec. 27, 1982, a neighbor heard screaming and called police. Smythe showed up with two other officers and knocked on the door a few times, and no one answered. As they were getting ready to leave, an elderly woman who rented the other second-floor apartment came out and told Smythe that it had sounded as if someone were being killed.

Stumm, who also lived in the building, recommended breaking down the door because of her niece. Usually, the officers broke down the door during a domestic dispute only if the quarrel was under way, but Smythe said he had a "bad feeling or intuition" about this situation and ordered the break-in.

Flail, 28, lay in a pool of blood in front of the door. Down a hallway, the officers found a living room with a Christmas tree and toys strewn about, and Greenday sitting on a sofa. "Where's the kids? Where's the kids?" Smythe recalled yelling. Greenday didn't reply, and Smythe went to a bedroom, where he looked around, pulled back the covers on the bed, and found Christina in a fetal position, moving slightly, her intestines exposed. He picked her up, pushed the intestines in, and rushed out with another officer. In the car, they called Mercy Fitzgerald Hospital in Darby, and Smythe said medical personnel met them at the door.

Back at the scene, police recovered a knife with a 71/2-inch blade - a "carving knife," Smythe called it.

Stumm isn't sure what provoked Greenday's rage, but she believes it was over Greenday's suspicions that Christina's mother was seeing another man. After the stabbings, Stumm was clearing out Greenday and Flail's apartment and found on the kitchen table money orders covering the cost of two bus tickets and a letter from a man in Maryland.

"I think she told him she was leaving, and he found the money orders and that's what set it all off," Stumm said.

Doctors weren't sure whether Christina would survive and, if she did, how much she would be able to use her left leg. She had lost a lot of blood, and transfusion efforts were failing until the medical staff became aware of the back wound, Stumm said. She also was told that Christina probably would have died had she arrived at the hospital any later.

Christina didn't walk for a long time in the hospital, Stumm said, and when she did, she limped badly. To get their niece going again, the Stumms brought in their son Matt Jr., two months younger than Christina. Excited when she saw him, she started to crawl, and then realized she could pull herself up on the pole of her intravenous stand. After she playfully kicked at her uncle while in the tub, showing more use of her left leg, she started undergoing rehabilitation.

Christina also was suffering emotionally. When any male except Matt Stumm got close to her, she dropped to the floor, curled up in a ball, and wet herself.

After Christina didn't respond to counseling, the Stumms made sure no adult male besides Matt Stumm entered the house. Slowly, they began going to the homes of friends who had children, so that Christina could be preoccupied with other children. "And just little by little and I think because of so many people praying . . . after about six months, nine months, it came to be as if she was there all the time and it was just natural," Donna Stumm said. Matt Stumm nicknamed her "Greeny-bop" because of her active nature.

Schoenrock never asked about her parents, Donna Stumm added, but did wonder why her stomach looked different from her cousin Matt's. The Stumms told her that she had suffered a "boo-boo" and that the wound had gotten better.

When she started school and had to write her name, she asked her aunt and uncle why their name was Stumm and hers was Greenday, and Donna Stumm explained that her biological mother had gone to heaven.

Stumm recalls Christina as a model child. She participated in swimming, and she played volleyball and basketball at Penn Wood High School in Lansdowne. Her athletic awards and trophies identified her as Greenday, Stumm or Greenday-Stumm.

Growing up, she freely told friends about the stabbing, and, never hesitant to wear a bikini, showed off her scar. The J-shaped wound starts on the left side of her stomach, goes past her navel, and breaks to her right. She thinks the surgery caused the vertical incision, because the horizontal part, about four inches long, matches the position and size of her back scar.

"It made me unique," she said. "It was something different that didn't bother me at all. I wasn't ashamed of it. It was kind of like my thing."

She also went through what she called "teenager things" - smoking pot and drinking alcohol - and said she stopped when she committed her life to Jesus as a teen. The Stumms, though, kept close tabs on their children. Donna Stumm said she always had to know where they were going and what they were doing, and if they didn't tell her, she would "show up mysteriously." Said Schoenrock: "She has eyes everywhere."

In 2003, Schoenrock's church, Life Christian Fellowship in Springfield, Delaware County, hosted an Honor Our Heroes day. For her, picking a hero was easy.

Smythe called the ceremony "really awesome," and said details of the 1982 night remain fresh in his mind.

"I just felt very humbled that I was fortunate enough to be in that place at that time," he said. "That's what it was all about when I started, helping people . . . [and] that is one of the biggest ones."

Said Schoenrock: "I'm very thankful for what Chief Smythe did. I don't even say 'thank you' would be the right word, because it's not just thank you for saving my life. There's something more there, and you just can't express it. Same with my parents," the Stumms. "There's nothing that can express how you feel about people that go above and beyond what they're supposed to be doing, and take care of you."

That Schoenrock has no recollection of the incident is not surprising, said Marylene Cloitre, director of the Institute for Trauma and Resilience at the New York University Child Study Center.

"We don't have very much good information about whether or not kids at age 3 remember trauma more than other types of memory, but we certainly know that from age 3 or less, children do not have memories as we usually think of them," Cloitre said.

Doctors had said the stabbing might keep Schoenrock from bearing children, but she and her husband, an administrative assistant for a health-care management company, have two boys - Jeremy Jr., 3 1/2, and Nathan, 1 1/2 - and she recently learned that she is pregnant again.

"She's just been the biggest blessing you could imagine. And she's been not just one of my kids but she's always been . . ." Donna Stumm said, her voice cracking, " . . . my best friend."

Contact staff writer Lou Rabito at 610-313-8216 or rabitol@phillynews.com.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Go Phillies!

Kali watched Jeremy and Nathan while Aaron and I slept in until 11:30! Man did I need it! Then Aunt Gabby came for a visit, very rare so the boys were very excited! Then of course she gets them all excited about getting a bath, which we normally do at night, so when she left they ran upstairs and got nakie yelling down for me to come give them a bath. I couldn't resist they were just so cute! Plus I got to sleep in so I had some extra energy. Nap time for the boys after that, while I did laundry. Typed out my C4 youth lesson for this Friday. Skyped Grandpa Todd and am watching the Phillies coming back in the top of the 8th! We win this and only 1 more! Go Phillies!


Saturday, October 11, 2008

What a Heart! Can't help being discouraged...

So my second son Nathan is very energetic and is the life of the party. He can make me smile even when it is him that is making me mad.

When Nathan was born he was born with a Heart condition, that was detected before we even left the hospital, called VSD. A ventricular septal defect (VSD) is a defect (a hole) in the ventricular septum, the wall dividing the left and right ventricles of the heart.

As we followed Nathan's condition with the cardiologist, by the third visit, it was determined that this was a small hole and no invasive surgery would be need and that Nathan would live a normal life, other then having to have antibiotics prior to any dental work. Then came the next visit.

At our fourth visit we were told that Nathan had developed a second heart condition SubAortic Membrane growth. Subaortic membrane is a fibrous membrane below the aortic valve that may involve the ventricular septum, the anterior leaflet of the mitral valve, and the aortic valve itself. This can cause the the aortic valve to weekend and start leaking and can completely block flow altogether. At this visit the membrane growth was not enough to cause any damage. The cardiologist of course wanted to follow Nathan more frequently and that our percentage of having surgery had increased but at the time of the appointment was not necessary and didn't look like it would be.

THEN, our next visit, you guessed it, and third heart condition. My heart sank when the doctor came in and told me there was another. Nathan's third heart condition diagnosis was aortic valve prolapse disease. This was cause by the original diagnosis of VSD. The blood flow through the hole is causing the aortic valve to be suck down into the ventricular septum (into the hole). This again can cause problems with the structure of the valve. He then proceeded to tell me that surgery is closer then ever and also tells me that with VSD there is a possibility of a total of four heart conditions.

So here I am with my son who has three heart conditions, along with some other medical issues, and am starting to FREAK out. Why, you might ask? Well his next appointment is Nov 25th and all I can think is ok there are to possibilities here, 1. the cardiologist is going to tell me that Nathan has developed the fourth heart condition and we need to do surgery, or 2. he will tell us that because the the tree heart conditions the aortic valve has weekend and we need to do surgery.

My son, 2 1/2years old, who is scared of ants, may possibly need to have open heart surgery. Actually from what I understand it is not if he needs it, it is when he will need it. So yes I am freaking out.

Anxiety, worry, fear, all the things that do not come from my Lord are starting to take over my mind. I try to continue to hold onto what i know, that my God can do all things! I need to just keep holding on, cause no matter what happens, I STILL BELIEVE. But what if God chooses not to heal Nathan? What if he does end up having open heart surgery? I know that I can not fully comprehend that BIG picture but couldn't I just get a glimpse? If God doesn't heal him that He has another plan and I just have to trust Him. It is so much easier to say then to do!

I guess my fear is the fear of the unknown. That is my biggest fear, the fear of the unknown. How do you get over that fear? How do you surrender that to God?

2 Timothy 1:7 (King James Version)

7For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.


Lord Please help me to give over control of my fear and to accept your gift of power, love and a sound mind!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Not enough Peanut M&M's in the World!

After an already frustrating day it didn't seem to get any easier, no matter how many Peanut M&M's I ate, haha!

Just when you think you are coming around the curve and starting to head up the mountain, you loose you footing and start slipping down! What do you do? You have good intentions, you have picked yourself up and dusted yourself off many times before. Why? Why now do you have to do it again? Why can't you get a break?

The enemy doesn't want us to be happy. He doesn't want us to start back up that hill so he put some loose rocks on the way to make you slip and loose your footing! I can't stand it.

So last night I posted about in the calm and in the store, you never let go. It is easy to look to God in the calm but when it is stormy we want to curl up in the fetal position and wait for the storm to pass us by. Calm seemed to be just in your reach, just up ahead and now you have fallen and slid back down the mountain so...yes, you do it AGAIN, pick up, dust off, and never let go.

You will never be perfect! Never get it truly right! If you did then there would be no need for God.

Lord, all I want to do is lead people into a true personal relationship with you. Please give me wisdom and guidance! Fill in the gaps that I miss, as I am only human. It is not I that can save them, but only YOU and YOU ALONE!!!!!!

So here I go wiping off the dust and heading back up that hill awaiting what you have in store for me around the next corner, NEVER LETTING GO!

What a day, and it's not over!


"The whole clan"

So today I spent most of the day in Philly getting Kali her passport so she can go on her missions trip. She is SO VERY lucky I love her. This was the third time in one week that I drove to Philly for this issue! I have lived in this area all my life and even when I fixed copiers and had to occasionally work in Philly I never spent that much time there! AAAAAHHHHHHHH! But it is done now and we will move on. Thank God!

While in Philly, I received a phone call that Jeremy's Grandma passed away last night. He has been disconnected from them for almost 10 years or so now and is a little easier on him. I on the other hand had the opportunity to visit them 3 maybe 4 times since Jeremy and I have been together and seemed to be affected by this a little more. I have been trying to work out a way to get a flight out there and was able to get a buddy pass, however all flights are booked for the weekend and I have been put on alert. Also the passes are $100 which is great I just don't know if I am going to find that anywhere! AAAAAHHHHHHHH again!

Then while I am on the phone trying to work out details GGmom Stumm and Uncle Frank stopped by and was able to lighten the mood. Here are some pics:


GGmom Stumm w/Aaron


Uncle Frank making Aaron Laugh!

Well it is not over, I am scarfing down food and I'm heading to C4! Yeah Baby!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Never Let Go, Wherever You Go!

Since Vacation Bible school this summer we have been listening to the Power Lab CD EVERY time that we get in the car. We listen so much that I had to get a second CD because the first one started to wear out! The boys can sing every song on this CD and Nathan's request is always, "turn it up louwder!" (spelling error intentional) I love my music loud so I gladly oblige! It is the best children's CD I have ever heard!

A couple blogs ago I mentioned how I love music and God uses songs to speak to me. Well, I too know every song on the CD and have since July! I have heard the songs over and over and love it. Then when my father got really sick and we had to take him to Hospice, I was driving to my mothers to pick her up when 2 of the songs just stuck out as if I never heard them before.

"You Never Let Go" and "Wherever You Go", just listen to the words:

You Never Let Go

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me


It is so easy to be on fire for God when everything is calm but we need to draw nearer and never let go because He is near!


Wherever You Go (Joshua 1:9)

Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous
Do not be terrified do not be discouraged
for the Lord your god will be with you
wherever you go, Wherever you go!



I have known this verse for as long as I can remember but as I listened to it as it followed the song above, it all the sudden struck me. I was in a place of desperation not know what was going on with my Father and there it is, God commands us, to be strong and courageous. He doesn't suggest it, doesn't recommend it, He commands us be strong, courageous, have no fear, don't be discouraged, for He will be with us and go wherever we go! He is there even as you watch you father die! I didn't need to be discouraged that my father wasn't healed! God knows what He is doing better then me! I mean just look at the impact my father's life had after he died. I think the impact has been far greater then anything he could have done on earth, and God knew that! So bottom line

Never Let Go, God will be with You Wherever You Go!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Sleep no I never get enough....

So today I really have nothing much to say. Remember that semi-zombie like feeling I've been walking around in well that was my day today. Mixed in was my second trip to Philly in two days and some frustration. Oh how I love to drive to downtown Philly! That was sarcasm if you couldn't tell. Brain is in a fog! Help!

Gotta go to bed tonight since I didn't sleep at all last night! So I will leave you with a song that I found while at Creation Fest. one year:

Sleep no I never get enough, always waking up tired!
Sleep no I never get enough if I don't show up I might get Fired!

The video is kinda cheesy but it is the song that describes me perfectly!


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Dealing with Death

Ok so most of you that read this already know that my Dad died. So I was talking with a friend about grief and started looking up the stages of grief. There are 4 different theories on the stages of grief. You can have a look for yourself if you'd like:
http://www.recover-from-grief.com/index.html

So yes I have cried, but not much. I at first thought it was because I am busy with three children and of course all the regular stuff that comes along in life. But then I started feeling like maybe the reason I am not overly emotional is because I am not dealing with the fact that he died, so I thought hmmmm, I must be in denial. Not so sure though, cause I clearly know that he died and am clearly walking around semi-zombie like day after day. I am sure the fact that I am blogging this is part of dealing with his death as well.

I will say this, if it wasn't for my God I don't know how I would deal with even the thought of his death. I don't know how anyone could deal with death without God.

I mentioned in an earlier blog that when you listen there are a lot of things that God speaks to you about that you could miss. I don't know if I could form all of them into nicely structured blogs. I did share in my last post about the message that was spoken at Harvest and how that whole day was kinda tied together from the beginning of it as I pasted the grim reaper on Baltimore Pike (one aspect of God speaking). The message given dealt with eternity and what happens when we die. So of course there were lots of thoughts of my father, and this was another part of God speaking to me. It's all tied together, like a woven web of a spider, and I am trying so hard to untangle the web and share what God has been doing. Sorry if I go running of on a tangent with my words, or maybe I don't follow through with a complete thought, there is just so much that I can't possibly word it all, most of it spiritual, unable to even be formed in words, so just stay with me. Ok so back on track!

As the speaker, Greg Laurie, spoke about eternity he shared his story of his oldest son dieing just recently on July 24, 2008 (weird this is Aaron's birthday). Anyhoo, I realized I was at harvest for a different reason then most of the people there, those who would receive Christ as their savior for the first time, or those recommitting to Christ. No, I was there for healing purposes, to help me start dealing with my father death. Everything from the music to the message spoke to me in different ways and I could apply them to my current situation with my father's death. So, I already shared about the message and I want to share about the music, the worship.

I have never been a book person, never real good with words (as I am sure you can see from my blogging, haha), but I love music. If books were told in song form I would probably know them all. I love music. I love worshiping God through music, and God often uses songs to minister to me (or maybe due to my love of music I am more in tune with the message of the song, get it in TUNE). Ok sorry! So with every night came different songs that all could apply to my situation that helped me to continue to see God's mercy and love and His hand that continues to hold mine!

Friday night Jeremy Camp takes the stage, sings his first song, which I can't remember, then starts talking about being a new creation in Christ! NEW CREATION - 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" NEW CREATION, a song my father wrote based on this scripture! Then Jeremy Camp sang, Let it Fade. I have heard this song probably 100 times but not like this:

Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?
You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest you will find rest.

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone

Are you carrying the weight too much?, are you running from the call?

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let it fade.




I often try to stand on my own too feet! I always carry the weight on my shoulders! I need to let this world fade and continue to run even closer to my God. Because one day this life I know will be gone!

Then Jeremy Camp sang, I Still Believe! Which describes how I feel almost exactly! Regardless of the fact that my father is dead, I still know God is real. Some have asked how we, my siblings and I, could stand up in front of my fathers coffin and be willing to be available to others during such a hard time and my answer would be one, that is what my dad would have wanted, that is how he lived his life, for others and two, because I STILL BELIEVE regardless of my life struggles, GOD is still real!

"I Still Believe"
Jeremy Camp

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now, that I feel, your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

Well the only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers well in brokenness
I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know that you are near

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

My God is truly an Awesome God!

Then Sunday night every song that sang was just pure worship to my savior. The Katina's and Mercy Me just ushered us into the presence of our God. They sang several songs to which we worshiped God but one song stuck out and ministered to me, Hold Fast.

Hold Fast lyrics

To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us
Please do not let go
I promise there is hope

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?
Can we stop this ride?
Will we see the sun at last?
Or could this be our lot in life?
Please do not let go
I promise you there's hope

You may think you're all alone
And there's no way that anyone could know
What you're going through
But if you only hear one thing
Just understand that we are all the same
Searching for the truth
The truth of what we're soon to face
Unless someone comes to take our place
Is there anyone?
All we want is to be free
Free from our captivity, Lord
Here He comes

This can speak to all of us and whatever situation you may be going through, just Hold fast, Help is on the way, Hold fast, He's come to save the day. What I've learned in my life, One thing greater than my strife, Is His grasp, So hold fast! Amen?!

We can make it through anything, I can make it through this time in my life. He has never let me go, He as always been by my side! He has always been there holding my hand! HIS GRASP, holding my hand! He promised me when I went took C4 youth group to youth convention that He would always be holding my hand through this, and in my worship and the pouring out of my heart God reached down from the Heavens and literally, grasped my hand!!!!!! He promised He would never let go and He reminded me Sunday night of that promise He made to me back at youth convention!

Thank you Lord for coming to save the day! Thank you Lord for holding me so close! I love you Lord!!!!!!

So I know that regardless of what stage I'm in I'm going to be ok, because my God is holding me fast!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Ok so I promised!

Harvest 08'

Heaven
"Where will you spend Eternity?"

So I ended up going to all three of the Harvest meetings this weekend! What a great time. I am often doing the teaching and don't always have time to get taught, of course I have my studies and devo's but that is self taught. This was a refreshing time for me.






Do to the theme as I posted above you can conclude that there is much I can apply from what I heard to my situation with my Father passing away. Yes, there is but I am going to save that for tomorrows blog. There is just so much that I have been taking in over this weekend that I have to break it up, or as I heard a new term the other day, I have to chunk it.

So Friday I went out with a friend and our children. We went shopping. On Baltimore Pike there is an old Chrysler dealer that is now a Halloween store. As we pass this store there is a man dressed as the grim reaper and he is holding his thumb out as if he were hitching a ride. In that instant I got thinking. Turning to my girlfriend I said, "Death was hitching a ride but we can't let him in, we have had enough of that!" Of course referring to my dad! But then my thoughts continued spiritually. Death, we that are Christians we have the promise that Christ conquered death. We no longer have to worry that we will be driving and have to stop to pick up this hitch hiker!!! And how awesome, that same day my team and I take the C4 youth to Harvest and Greg Laurie speaks on this very thing, in a alittle bit of a different way of course!

Death will come it is inevitable, but where will you go? We were created to live forever, death was not the original plan, death came through sin, sin came through man (Romans 5:12). Now listen, we still live forever, immortality cool huh? Well don't get excited yet, you will live forever just not on this earth! We die on this earth but our souls live for eternity! So where will you spend your forever? There is only two choices Heaven or hell! Which will you choose?

You don't believe in hell? Jesus tells us about it in Luke 16:19-31! "The time came when the begger died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side." verses 22 - 23. Did you catch that? I don't think you can miss it I made it big and dark and I even italicized it, yes hell and it is real!

So do you know where you are spending eternity, Heaven or hell? Heaven is not your DEFAULT destination, you have to choose, and not making a choice is still choosing. But I am not the religious type, you may say. Well, good news God is not looking for the religious type, He is looking for the "Sinner" type and you qualify!

NOTHING will satisfy you until you experience Christ!

Do It NOW!

"...Now is the day of salvation" 2 Corinthians 6:2. We don't know when life will end, there is no guarantee. It has to be YOUR choice, and yours alone!

So this is what you need to do:
- Admit your a sinner
- Sin: trespassing, crossing the line
- 1 sin is enough to keep you out of Heaven, God doesn't grade on a curve!
- Recognize Jesus Died for You
- John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His son, that whoever believes in Him, shall not die."
- Repent of sin
- You must be sorry, but sorry enough to stop
- Changed direction: You have been going away from God you need to change direction and go towards Him!

He is knocking at the door and you has already paid the price for your ticket, will you open the door and except the gift that He paid such a high price for?

Don't clean your life up before you come to God, come to God and He will clean up your life. He cleans His fish after He catches them!

So where will you spend eternity?

Accept or Reject
For or Against
YOU CHOOSE!

900+ Accepted will you join them?


Saturday, October 4, 2008

I know I promised to fill you in!


Aaron Matthew Smiling for Daddy
at Linvilla Orchards

It is now 11:28pm and this is the first time I stopped since I woke up at 9am this morning.

My day consisted of Linvilla orchards at 11am.


Jeremy Jr., Nathaniel, & Samantha
in the pumpkin patch

Home at 4pm changed and out the door by 5:45pm for the 2nd of 3 Harvest 08 meetings!

Response at Harvest Fest 08



I stopped writing for what I thought was going to be a minute to play guitar hero and it is now 1:12am! In case you didn't already know yes I admit I am crazy.

So with that said I promise to fill you in on what I said in my last post, about how God has been speaking, but gotta go to bed so I can make it to church! It is baptism Sunday and I am so excited for everyone but especially cause I got youth getting baptized, Praise God!

Now I have a blog and too much to say!

Last night I started this blog, so today as I went about my day everything that I did I conscientiously paid attention, thinking of what was happening and what stuff I could blog about. Man, I tell you, when you pay attention God REALLY speaks more then you think and most of the time you are just too busy going about our business to hear!!!

Since it's so late (12:51 am Sat 10/4, even though my blog says 9:12 pm 10/3) I think I will have to leave you in suspense as to what God has been speaking to me until tomorrow.

Oh and not to mention I went to the 1st of 3 nights of Harvest 08 tonight in Philly and again, you can guess it, God spoke!

So before I go to bed and leave you all waiting until tomorrow when I fill you in, I have one last thing to say:

GOD ROCKS!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Go Tell EVERYONE!

He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well." After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
Mark 16:15-20


So the last couple weeks I have been going through bin after bin of junk in my basement. I decided I was going to sell some Disney Items I had collected from when I was younger. As I started through the boxes I came across old pictures, some of me as an infant, and let me tell you all my boys look just like me (sorry Jeremy). I also came across little notes that had been passed in class to letters sent from old friends (yes even old boyfriends, what was I thinking).

Anyway, as I opened this one letter to read it I can remember some of the other letters we had written back and forth. One in specific about his struggles in life and the trouble he was in. He confused that maybe he really did need God. I remember that letter like it was yesterday, when I read those words I remember my heart jumping. I thought to myself, at that time, I can go by this guy a bible! Yeah that would help. I remember going to the Christian bookstore and purchasing the bible, I remembering giving it to him.

Now after that I can't remember what seemed to happen. Life got in the way, he was in MA at school, I was here in PA working full time, we just separated. I always wondered if buying that bible and some of the words we exchanged had ever touch his heart. Had he ever made a decision to follow Christ.

Not too long ago I was in contact with him for a short time on myspace, until he deleted his profile. We didn't talk enough for me to ask about the bible, if he still had it or anything. I did find out however that he was "married" but not to a women. My heart sank, my thoughts raced, "did I fail him?!"

To this day I still don't know what developed out of our conversations, and letters, and that bible I purchased for him. But I do know this, I told him what he needed! What everyone needs, I told him about Christ!

I may never see the fruits of my labor for Christ in this situation, but I didn't give up then, and I won't give up now!

This is a song that I heard and it really helps me think, "We are not done we need to go into the WHOLE WORLD and tell EVERYONE, because the greater things have yet to come, the greater things have yet to be done!


God of this City - Chris Tomlin

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're Lord Of this nation
You are

You're hope for the hopeless
You're light in the darkness
You're peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

The greater things have yet to come The greater things are still to be done in this city
The greater things have yet to come
The greater things are still to be done in this city

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

Check out this video on YouTube!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk

What do you expect for a 1st timer?!



So tonight Debra helped me start a blog.
Thanks Deb

So here I am blogging. Well, there you go, that's it. Goodnight!