Honeymoon Really Over?

I haven't posted much but it has been a hard couple months and I was always taught "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all" or blog it in this case but I need to catch you up. So here's what has been going on:

July - Aaron was born, Christina had a breakdown in the hospital
Aug - Dad passed away
Sept & Oct - I don't even remember, I think I was walking around in a daze
Nov & Dec - Just tried to get through the holidays without losing it
Jan - Started losing it, dealing with my Dad's death, new baby, two other older boys, a teenager living with us that is not our child who was not doing well in school
Feb - Nathan turns 3
March - Jeremy turns 5

In all this Jeremy and I have become ships passing in the night. When we got married people liked to tell us that the 1st year would be great then reality would set in during the 2nd year and the honeymoon would be over. Well the 2nd year came and went, the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and somewhere in the 6th (which is now) it happened.

With with all the stuff going on in our life there is no time for us. Even if we made time there are still kids around. We don't have money for a babysitter, my mom stays in bed if she doesn't have to go to work, and my in laws are in NH. I have Kali but when asked to do something there is a big sigh and the eye roll. We have great friends but because of their special circumstances with their daughter we wouldn't burden them with asking to babysit all three of our boys.

Either way though we have to do it. We have to get back to communicating. I guess the Honeymoon is really over! (for now, don't worry)

I know that I blogged before about the feeling of being alone and still if not more then ever, I feel oh so alone. My God is there but yet I can not feel Him. That is all my fault. As I was telling some of my youth group girls, I do not sit still long enough which makes it difficult to hear my God. I have always struggled with being still and with being lonely. Jeremy was all I had left except for God and now it is just me and God. I am SURE He wants it that way.

I need to rely on Christ more and more each day. Please pray for me that I continue to surrender myself daily.

I could also use some help with dealing with teenagers. Yes I am a youth leader but it is different when they are living in your house and even more difficult when they are not your own children.

All alone, frustrated, and emotionally drained! I really miss my Daddy! Thanks for letting me emotionally vomit on my blog! Just pray for all of us here in the Schoenrock Household!